Today is Feb 11.

I am remembering my sister, who would be 52 today, only she lost her life in 1988. I really miss her. She and I were not friends as kids. I had come along and took her spot as "baby" and we fought all the time. I remember when I was 10 and had come into "womanhood" (yes, I was very young) and she kept saying there was no way I could, and she harassed me every month, til she moved out (a year later). She was abused by my dad, he hit her more than he should have. But Pam had a defiant attitude, and was independent. Sometimes I think she "asked" for it, although I don't believe in hitting kids, so I guess I think she may have asked for discipline, but punishment with a belt was more than she deserved. Pam and I were not friends really until I was an adult. I used to babysit her two oldest daughters when I was a teen, but still we were not really friends. When I got pregnant with Josh, and was not married she is the first person in my family that I told. When I moved in with my brother Tim, in South Dakota, and she was in Michigan, we wrote to each other, til I found a letter she wrote to my brother and I was nosy...and realized she thought of me as being "flighty." I was very hurt by that. I refused to write to her anymore. Of course, we got over it, and we were friends again after that. Josh wore all of her son's hand-me-downs and as adults and moms we had a lot to compare. She is the one I went to when I had questions about Josh's development. Pam was definitely my "big" sister whom I looked up to.

When she was hit by that drunk driver, in October 1987, she lost a great deal of her ability to do things. She passed out easily, was not allowed to drive for a long time afterwards and could not be left alone for long periods of time. The accident had caused a great deal of nerve damage. Not long after that, though, was my marriage to Greg. Pam was my Matron of Honor and her daughter Jodi was my flower girl. Josh was the Best Man, at 7 yrs of age. And believe me, he was the best man there. Pam and her girls decorated the church for my shower and the wedding. She made all of the decorations herself, even little matchboxes with lace on them and little hearts that said "Sande & Greg, Feb 14, 1988." Pam was so creative, always making something new. She even made my wedding invitations on her computer. She was a great Calligrapher and made so many things for my wedding with her beautiful calligraphy. The last pictures I have of Pam were from my wedding.

When Josh's b'day come the following month and he had chicken pox, and we had to cancel his roller skating party, Pam had a little party at her house for Josh...just her kids (all 5) and mine (just 2). She always remembered what was important.

On May 3, 1988, she was at a bowling banquet, for she was a great bowler, and frequently got 300's and had a lot of trophies from bowling. Anyway, as she was there, she passed out from asphixiation, when she was in the bathroom, vomiting. No one found her for 15 minutes and she was rushed to the hospital, was pronounced DOA as she got there, BUT one of the nurses (who happened to be someone I went to church with) saw the heart monitor start to beep, so Pam was revived, but she never regained consciousness. Her brain was dead. So, on May 5th, 1988, after a family discusion, her plugs were pulled. My sister, whom I had just begun to know and love was gone.

She left five children ages 3-15. And many family members and friends who loved her so much.

I still miss Pam to this day and tears are shed now even, as I write this.